Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
