I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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