I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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