franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
