We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
