I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
operation harelip BJ is a go
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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