If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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