I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Couch. On fire.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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