My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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