dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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