I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i am craving dick and cupcakes
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
