Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
