So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
