Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
