i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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