Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
