I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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