Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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