you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
