Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
