fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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