I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
