K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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