So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
