It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
