I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
