Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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