yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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