just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
