I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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