Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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