Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Randomize
