So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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