i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
