How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
That accounts for only three of the penises
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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