I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
