what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
And then he peed in my hair
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