I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
