my shit smells like andre
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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