Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
