i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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