There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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