Farmville is her only friend.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
