I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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