she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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