I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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