This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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