one two three fourrrrnication!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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