The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
