There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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