What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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