Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
