just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
