and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
