we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
