this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
