Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
