I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
