Three words: puerto rican gang bang
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just google imaged poop.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
