what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
