maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
