The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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