I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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