The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
