Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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