I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Text me some of your sweat
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