I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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