My first STD was from a foam party
I smell stomach acid.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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