I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
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just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
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We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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