when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
